You probably went to this page expecting to see a list of our goals, or some kind of mission statement. The first thing I'm going to say is that we don't have one, and we never will. Let me explain.

You've probably noticed something a little bit different about this site. As you can tell, we don't provide serious coverage as you'd find on CNN. We don't strive to be boring like the NBC News. I grew up learning to take everything with a grain of salt. Then, after recovering from my second heart attack due to high sodium levels, I learned that not everything should be taken literally. These two lessons have aided me to create what this site is today. We are your escape from the modern day media. We are your refuge from other Macintosh sites, the sites written by zealots who twist every word to their liking. When we see things that are silly or wrong, we aren't afraid to point them out, or even accuse Steve Jobs of snorting crack on his lunch breaks. But most importantly, we have fun reporting the news, and love to throw in humor whenever possible.

One day I was surfing over at MacOS Rumors when I saw an interesting poll. The users of OS 9 had voted that the lack of a multi-button mouse was the biggest flaw on the Macintosh platform. I was taken aback at this staggering statistic. That's like saying the lack in variety of soft drinks on an airplane is the biggest problem with flying. Things like plane crashes, flight delays, cramped seating, and big men with bad odors didn't even make the charts.

So, like the loyal Macintosh fan I am, I wrote a letter to Ryan Meader, webmaster of the site. I asked him to publish an article that I wrote to set people straight. How can we complain about a multi-button mouse when the OS crashes every other minute, multitasking is a joke, and the price of a mediocre G3 costs as much as a quad-processor, dream system, Pentium? Things weren't right.

I spent an hour polishing my article, yet once I sent it to him, I never received a reply. The message was thrown out like the pile of feces that my neighbor's dog leaves on my lawn every morning. I couldn't believe that such a thoughtful and intelligent article could be so wrong. That's when I realized something.

When you go to any Macintosh site on the Internet, you are being corrupted by ignorance. A year ago, if you asked a Mac user how much faster a G3 was over a Pentium 2, he would promptly reply "Twice as fast!" Macintosh users are stuck in a dream where everything is better for Mac than for PC. We can't imagine how it could be any other way.

In the real world, PCs are cheaper, have more variety, expandability, flexibility, and compatibility. This is what drives the power users away from Apple, away from what I believe can be the best computer on the market.

It is for these reasons that this site exists. We know there are plenty of other sources of news and reviews out there. We know that guys wearing suits and ties will tell you that their benchmarks, their opinions, and their tests are the best. But here at Artificial Cheese, we give it to you as it is. No cover ups, no clever phrasing, just the truth.

How's that for a mission statement?